I can't sleep anymore.. I am staying up all night just in case she comes online and answers my messages.. but she doesn't...

Haven't slept a night through for a week I guess..

It's .. It's just so cruel waiting for something you already experienced.... yes I wrote with her..

but to know in the back of my head that this might never happen again makes me goin' nuts!!

It's like little boys and their hero.. e.g. superman... just imagine some lucky warm day they se superman in action and afterwards he says to them : hey kids, eat ur vegetables or something... I bet the kid would never rest until he meet's superman again.. and I guess I'm that kid..

she's my hero.. she's the reason why I kept on doing music stuff when all I wanted to do was letting everything go ... when I was done with everything..

of course I have friends haha, but none of them was so... like her before... I don't even know what it is.. it's like I know her from a dream and now that I know she's real I feel like I was dreaming 24/7... I just want to write her somehow, tell her how much I really need her...

stupid, ain't I?

I hope some of you will know what I'm talking about..

keep stupid rude comments in ur head.. I DO know how childish and stupid that is.

sincerely

nils Hanami.

05.may.2011

*deleted*

07.may 2011

gosh, I deleted my last entry.. I was just... done.. totally done...

living a nightmare is never easy

but loving an angel makes it much easier.

I even forgot mothersday,*sorry mom, but I'm lost working*

I just did some English and some Java practicing... was pretty tuff.. imagine to write exams about that stuff make me go nuts!

( I WANNA DO VIDEO-EDITING! ARG!! OR AT LEAST TRY OUT MY NEW CUBASE 6 WITH MIDI KEYBOARD!)

if (brain.equals ("0")

System.out.println( "Totally done! Sorry no place left!")

//haha, now think of this but more like a thousand times more!

the whole if and while and if/else structure is pretty easy, though.

The thing I'm worried about is that I can't work with the PC.. we have to do a hand-written exam! About Java!!!

Float knowledge= 0;

I need the autocrt! damn! But anyway I guess I'll do fine.. hope so.

have slept well last night. Though the mosquitos nearly ate me up haha!

Oh by the way, I guess I never mentioned my name, did I?

I'm Nick Cóulan... I'm pretty unknown though I have twitter haha!

I'm doing Video editing and movie scoring! oh yeah I love this!

Fallen for music when Miley starts singing.. so you can imagine I'm a huge fan of her!

The movie-stuff was before she started acting too... but I'm cool with that... (Saw the last song and I was totally fallen for the soundtrack haha!)

The cool thing is I am living in a pretty small town like the fictional "Crowley corners"... I downloaded the "Hannah montana movie score" and -you cannot imagine how cool this is!- when I'm listening to the soundtrack, riding a bus or a train or even just waiting on the station it makes me feel like I'm IN THE movie!

The thing I was always thinking was like: "Hell yeah, I just saw /I am seeing the greatest movie ever! But you surely don't know it because it's still in my head".... haha!

Well I guess I've gotta go back to work.

String question = JOptionPane.showInputDialog ("Do you have any questions left?");

if (question.euqals ("why the heck do you tell all about this?!")

System.out.println ("I have no idea!");

else System.out.println ("I have no Idea")

//same answer because this question will come up sure100%!

Sincerely

Nicky!